Monthly Archives: November 2004

Things people have said about me

There are things that, from time to time, people say about me that get seared into my mind, and I (for some obscure reason) want to immortalize some of these, perhaps to look at myself at see if they’re still relevant or not. Somewhere, I have the sneaking suspicion that they are all true, no matter how much I may like to pretend that I’ve moved on.

“Has little or no humility in his learning.” – Physics teacher, on a recommendation form. I got the scholarship that the recommendation was for, but I often wonder if this has changed at all.

“I don’t want him as a student because he’s a know-it-all.” – Prospective project supervisor, after having met me for one hour. When someone says something like “You’re just a walking dictionary,” this always comes to mind. I hope it’s not true any more, but I wonder..

“You’re SUCH a rational bastard.” – Friend, after a long, no-holds-barred discussion on the nature of reality. This I know to be true, entirely true. I might be less of a rational bastard now, but rational bastard I shall forevermore be.

“You know, occassionally, from the right angle, and in the right light, he’s almost handsome.” – My father, talking to my mother. The same thought has often crossed my mind.

“You are becoming a very interesting and complicated fellow, one who will inspire the fascination and desire of a sufficiently interesting and complicated woman.” – Friend; email sent in response to latest heartbreak story. So am I just supposed to sit around and wait, or what? And are we talking interesting and complicated in a good way, or is this just an oblique reference to my constantly-changing email addresses?

“I think I mean more to you than you mean to me.” – Friend whom I was deeply, madly in love with, breaking the news to me in the gentlest possible way. I knew that this was what was coming, but I can still clearly picture that moment in my mind, when the little spark of hope that is always there was finally put to rest. Quite a magical moment, actually.

Will post more as I think of them. In other news, today was a washout. Taught only one of five scheduled classes; all students sick or away. I was SO bored all day with nothing to do but read newpapers and drink peppermint tea. Thank god for swimming; one thing to look forward to this evening.

What if I’m really messing them up?

Paranoia attack. What if all my students (none of whom have an exam next year, thank goodness) turn out to be compelete dunderheads because of my teaching? So far, so good, but this horrible throught just struck me. I’d hate to be the cause of remedial classes and heartbreak.

Enjoying it, though exhausting. I get along pretty well with two classes (took the Pre-AS on a walk last time, neither they nor I could face more fractions), but the foundation class.. whew. It’s like walking into a wall every time. Even teaching them alone is like dragging them kicking and screaming all the way. Grr!

In other news, I was listening to Nikhil Banerjee the other day – or not so much listening to him as letting the music flow into my head – and it struck me that a tabla solo is like a freewheeling bicycle ride down a hill; the same feeling of almost uncontrolled exhilaration. I could almost feel the wind whipping through my hair as he danced on the tabla. Or express train over bridge; astonishing power. There was something about it that I can’t capture in words.